Title: Spirals - Part 1
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Up to and including 'Secret Santa'
Summary: Cal is ready to move things forward, but Gillian isn't so sure.

Massive love to my betas, beatlejessie and alainnrois for fixing my weird errors. Thanks for the help, ladies!! Thanks for helping me through my various blocks beatlejessie!!!



"Hey," Gillian said softly as she sidled up to Cal. "Just so you know, Emily invited me over tonight, but if you're not up for it, I can make an excuse not to go."

Cal looked at her, frowning. "Why would you think that? Of course you can come over. I know she's upset her mum is snowed in, so distractions are in order."

"Maybe we can talk, after?" Gillian asked.

"Want to make sure my mind hasn't slipped, Dr. Foster?"

"Something like that," Gillian answered with a small smile. "I'm worried about you."

Cal's smile looked forced when he said, "I'm kind of worried about me too."

Gillian lightly touched his wrist. "I'll come over, we'll make sure Emily has fun and then we're going to talk. Alright?"

Cal nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets. "So I suppose I've got a Secret Santa gift over there," he said, nodding a shoulder toward the gift table.

"Yeah, but you don't have to open it now," Gillian said quickly. "Maybe later?"

Cal cocked his head to the side, a bemused smile on his face. "Were you my Secret Santa?" he asked, grinning.

"How about you open it tonight. With Emily."

"Nothing kinky then?" Cal asked, grinning. "Shame, that."

Gillian nudged him with her elbow, looking to make sure nobody was paying attention to them. "No, and it's actually something for you and Emily."

"Any hints?"

"Nope."

"What's so funny?" Emily asked, coming up beside them with Rick in tow.

"Nothing, love," Cal said, sliding an arm around Emily's shoulder and tugging her not so subtly away from Rick. He looked at Rick as though he was trying to remember something. "Nick, was it?"

"It's Rick, dad," Emily said, rolling her eyes. "And you know it." She looked at Rick with an apologetic smile. "Ignore him."

"Are you going to be joining us tonight, Rick?" Gillian asked, a pleasant smile on her face.

Rick was shifting from foot to foot, looking nervously at Cal. "No. In fact, I need to get home soon or my mom will kill me. She's big on holidays and stuff."

Grinning, Cal stepped away from Emily and put his arm around Rick's shoulders, leading him toward the door. "You didn't get up to anything with my daughter while I was gone, did you Rick?"

"Dad!"

Cal looked over his shoulder, looking innocently at Emily. "What? I'm your dad, I'm supposed to ask these kind of things. I'm just protecting your virtue."

"Dad!" Emily cried again, grabbing Rick's hand and pulling him away from Cal. "You can wait here. I can show him out."

Emily gave Gillian a look as if to say, Do something about him!

Grinning, Cal watched them go, smiling at Gillian when she joined him. "You've pretty much guaranteed that he'll be too afraid to kiss Emily goodnight."

Cal beamed. "What a shame. Listen, are you ready to go? I mean, you can stay if you want, but I'm ready to go home," he said, making a face as he looked around. "I've had enough Christmas cheer, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, sure. I need about ten minutes. Shall I just meet you at the house?"

"That'd be good, love." Cal reached for her hand, squeezing it for a moment before and giving her a grateful smile. "See you in a bit then."

Seeing Emily returning, Cal released Gillian's hand and slung an arm around Emily. It was odd, but he kept having the need to touch her, to make sure she was safe. "Time to go home, Em. Do you have everything?"

"Already? You only got here an hour ago!"

Cal gave her a tired look that had her capitulating a moment later. "Yeah, just let me tell Eli and Ria goodbye, alright? Gill, you're coming too, right?"

"Yup, I'll be right behind you. I just need to take care of a couple of things first." She looked at Cal, pointing a finger. "Don't forget your present."

"Wouldn't dream of it. Come on, Em."

Emily gave Gillian a little wave as the two of them went to say their goodbyes.

***

"Em, get the door," Cal yelled from the kitchen where he was just beginning to gather ingredients together to make cookies. It was tradition and normally they would have been made the day before, so he was playing catch up. Emily obviously no longer believed in Santa, but she still insisted they set out cookies, which Cal traditionally ate.

As traditions went, he rather liked this one.

Cal looked up from the mixing bowl as Gillian and Emily entered the kitchen. "Hey," he said, reaching for the sugar. "Alright?"

"Yep. What are you making?" Gillian asked, looking over his shoulder into the bowl.

"Sugar. Em's favorite."

"It's tradition," Emily said, hopping up on the counter. "Otherwise, it's not Christmas."

Looking sly, Emily looked between the two of them. "There's another tradition too," she said, waiting for them to look at her. When she had their attention, she glanced up at the mistletoe in the middle of the kitchen.

Cal leaned toward Gillian, offering up his cheek before breaking an egg into the bowl.

Grinning, Gillian kissed his cheek and they both looked expectantly at Emily.

"Oh come on, that was pathetic," Emily said, frowning. "Dad, is that really the best you can do?"

Cal snorted. "When I kiss her, it's not going to be because of some ruddy plant hanging from the ceiling."

There was a moment of silence as everyone considered the implications of what he'd just said.

When.

"Don't you have presents to wrap or something?" Cal grumbled, pointing at Emily.

Emily grinned, swinging her feet. "Nope. I had plenty of time for that the last few days."

"Then go...light the tree or something!"

"Already lit."

"Behave then," Cal warned. "Foster, can you hand me that measuring cup?"

"Sure," Gillian answered, looking grateful for the change of subject. "Do I get a flowery apron too?" she asked, arching an eyebrow and smiling.

"You can wear the 'Kiss the Cook' apron," Emily suggested, jumping down from the counter and avoiding Cal's swat.

"Which part of behave are you having problems understanding?" he asked, mouth agape as he waited for an answer.

Emily began to back out of the room. "I'll just go get Gillian's present," she said, her eyes going from her dad and up to the mistletoe before turning around.

"How did I raise such a cheeky child?" he asked, shaking his head.

"I think she's very much her father's daughter," Gillian said, smiling fondly. "Don't worry about it, Cal."

"I am going to worry about if it's making you uncomfortable," Cal argued, his eyes searching her face for a long moment.

"I'm fine, actually," Gillian countered, smiling.

Cal stared a moment longer, then looked away, satisfied she was telling him the truth.

Emily returned, holding up Cal's Secret Santa present. "Can he open it, Gillian?"

"Of course," Gillian answered, leaning back against the counter, folding her arms across her chest.

She was nervous.

Cal peeked into the bag, removing the tissue paper and pulling out a picture frame. Inside the frame, there was a candid picture of Cal and Emily, laughing in Cal's office.

"Where'd you get this?" he asked, looking curiously at Gillian as Emily looked over his shoulder.

"I remember that! We were making fun of sparkling vampires," Emily said, grinning at Gillian. "Wait, were you there?"

"I was scanning through the videos from the cameras last week and saw this," Gillian answered, her eyes on Cal as if she half expected him to be upset at the invasion of privacy. "It looked like a moment that should be kept and remembered."

"Yeah, it was," Cal said, his eyes locked with Gillian's. "Thanks. It's brilliant."

"Where should we put it?" Emily asked, taking the picture from Cal.

"Wherever you can find a space, love," Cal answered, still looking at Gillian.

"Mantle, I think. Be right back!"

When Emily was gone, Cal moved to stand directly in front of Gillian, his head cocking left then right. "Just scanning through camera footage?" he asked, eyes narrowing.

"Scanning for specific footage," Gillian answered, not backing down at all. "I was looking for a quiet moment between the two of you for a candid photo. But seeing that picture, the way both of your eyes were lit up and you were both laughing so hard...I couldn't resist."

Cal's face softened and he lightly brushed his hand up and down her arm. "Thanks, love. It's perfect."

They stood staring at one another for a few moments. Cal looked up at the mistletoe, then back at Gillian. "I'm not going to kiss you because of a plant."

"Wouldn't mean anything if you did," Gillian responded softly, then cleared her throat. "Don't you have cookies to make? I want to see if they're as good as advertised."

Touching her arm again, Cal turned back to his mixing bowl, a small smile on his face.

*****

Long after Emily went to bed, Cal and Gillian were up on the couch, talking. Gillian was in one corner, her legs curled up under as she sipped her hot toddy. Cal was beside her, his feet propped up on the coffee table.

There had been a long minute of comfortable silence, before Cal finally began to speak. "I liked it," he said, rolling his head to look at Gillian. "The excitement and the danger. It was such a bloody rush."

Gillian said nothing, merely watched him as he talked.

"For the first time in a long while, I missed my MI-6 days. I felt so alive, you know?"

"You've always loved the rush," Gillian said softly. "It can be addicting."

Cal stared at his drink, his brows drawing together. "When I saw Emily on that screen, my stomach dropped. It was like reality came crashin' down around me."

"I'm sorry. We'd been so careful to keep her locked out of the room so she wouldn't see that."

Cal shrugged, sipping his drink. "She's my daughter. She would have been biding her time until she found a way inside, especially if she thought something was wrong."

"Still, I'm sorry I let it happen," Gillian said, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"It's just...," Cal shifted on the couch, facing Gillian. "If something similar came up, I'm not sure I'd say no. And it wouldn't be for some noble purpose of saving lives. I mean that's great and everythin', but it's that rush."

"Cal, this was the first time you've seen first hand what it would do to Emily. I don't believe you're selfish enough to put her through something like that again."

Cal arched his eyebrow.

"Alright, you are, but that doesn't mean you will. You have a choice, Cal. Choose the rush or choose your daughter."

Cal stared at Gillian, then nodded. They sat in silence, looking at one another, the lights from the tree creating a soft glow in the room.

"I wanted to kiss you," Cal said, smiling at the surprise on her face at the statement. He knew she wasn't surprised by the thought, just the fact that he said it aloud. Their tacit agreement didn't allow for talking about the underlying emotions between them.

Gillian looked away, staring at the tree lights as she sipped her now tepid drink. "We both know that would be a bad idea."

"Would have been a bad idea. Our situations have changed. Wouldn't be as many consequences now, love."

Gillian smiled and looked at him again. "There would be just as many," she said softly. "They would just be different."

"So that's a no then?" he asked, leaning closer to study her eyes. "To the kissing?"

Her face was a riot of emotion that was so subtle, any casual observer would see nothing but a calm and collected woman.

But Cal saw much more. Desire and curiosity mingled with fear. It was the fear that made him pull back.

"Want another?" he asked, nodding toward her cup, changing the subject.

Gillian visibly relaxed.

"No, I'm good. I should probably be getting home," she said, setting her cup on the coffee table.

"Or you could stay," Cal said, leaning back against the couch. "The weather is rubbish and you need new tires."

"I know I need new ones. The days just keep getting away from me. I'll be alright though."

"Look," Cal said, rising to his feet. "I'll get you something to wear and you can sleep in the guest room. Emily would like it if you were here in the morning. Blimey, I'd like it if you were here in the morning."

"I have plans tomorrow, Cal," Gillian said, but he could see she was beginning to cave.

"Belgian waffles for breakfast," Cal said, grinning. "Loads of whipped cream. Come on, you can't pass up Belgian waffles," he cajoled. "Then you can go do whatever it is you plan on doing."

"Zoe will have a cow if I'm here in the morning."

"Who knows when Zoe will be able to get here," Cal pointed out. "Noon at the earliest."

He reached out, taking her hand and pulling her up from the couch. "Stay. Please? It can be my Christmas present."

Gillian laughed. "I already gave you a present."

"You've been exceedingly generous this year, love," Cal teased.

Rolling her eyes, Gillian nodded. "Have you got a spare toothbrush?"

Cal was practically beaming as he pulled her into a hug. "If not, you can use mine."

"That's gross, Cal," Gillian replied, wrapping her arms around him and holding him tight.

"Well, if you'd swap spit with me the fun way, it wouldn't be so gross," he said, earning him a shove.

Laughing, he stumbled back, holding out his arms. "What?"

"You're impossible."

Cal pointed at her. "Hang on, I'll get you something to wear. I think I have some skimpy lingerie around here somewhere."

"Cal!"

He looked offended. "What? You've never seen me in red lace."

"I think if I ever saw you in red lace I'd have to gouge my own eyes out," Gillian replied, shuddering.

"See if I ever let you in my closet," Cal said, leaving the room in search of suitable clothes. He found a comfortable pair of sweatpants and an over large t-shirt and returned to the living room, handing them over.

"There's a toothbrush in the second drawer in the bathroom. Can I get ya anything else, love?"

"Just a bed I can fall into."

Cal put an arm around her shoulders and led her to the guest room, pointing at the bed.

"Thanks, Cal," Gillian said, her smile weary. "These waffles better be amazing."

"Oh, they'll be bloody fantastic," Cal assured her, kissing her on the cheek. "Night, love."

"Night, Cal." He waited until she closed the door, then went to his own room. Not bothering to change clothes, he dropped onto the bed and was asleep in less than a minute.